Respect - something that most of us yearns to have. It gives us a confidence, a status to uphold and most importantly, it make us feel valuable. Yes, respect is indeed great to have and with it comes great responsibility as well. To be able to maintain that respect one must be able to live up to the reputation that you have deemed yourself worthy in the past and attempt to keep it or surpass it. Failure to do so will ultimately make you lose the respect, even though you a truly capable person.
How does one gain respect in the first place? Well, that depends on what field we are talking about…a person can gain respect from his or her peers by excelling at something that they do in common. Consider this, your ability in playing Magic cards will only gain you respect among other Magic card players. To others, it doesn’t mean a thing. It is like me talking about how great the barber is at being a conversationalist. Telling others that don’t appreciate a good conversation will never understand why I respect the barber’s ability in the first place. Respect is indeed relative. One of the only worldly recognised type of respect is the respect of the ability to gain money and the respect of virtues in a person. Anybody rich, all those millionaires that appear on Fortune 500, are all strongly respected. Also, people that will risk their lives for others, like soldiers and those that are willing to give their lives for a cause, are often respected. Influential men and women are also strongly respected, especially when they can influence your lives.
Respect, I believe, is only truly yours when you earn it. Respect can never ever be given, only through your actions can this gift be passed unto you. Being a CEO in your father’s company will not earn you the respect of even the employees. Only through his actions will then justify the respect he should earn given the post he or she occupies. Only when he or she earns the respect will actually the employees trust him or her.
One of the most profound example I can think off is the parent-child relationship. It has been a norm for the Chinese culture to respect your parent (even in the 10 commandments!) and that is taken really like a law. Parents think that being respected by their child is their rights in some sense or another. Well, in that is true in all sense but that is not so in the point of view of the child. A child must be able to see “why” he or she is too respect their parents. Only when the parents earn their respect will there be harmony in the relationship. Sometimes parents may use the “laws” as ultimatums or threats to get the child to respect them. I believe that this traditional means of gaining the “respect” of the child is effective but produce side-effect. The child after being suppressed by the parents will give the parents the obedience and respect they want for the sake of them wanting them. The respect here is anything but true from the heart and last temporarily. There may also be the risk of the child having built resentment against the parents and let the rage built within him or her every time you do so. In the end, the child will built a destructive personality later on.
So, the solution? Gradually get your child to respect you for the people you are now and not what you have done for them in the past. The child can never understand how much you have sacrificed to bring him or her up. Even if you tell them of your hardships and contributions, you will never gain that respect of theirs. (for they cannot relate it to their lives) Only when the child becomes a parent will he or she only then appreciate and respect the parents for what they have done. By gaining their respect, you will be able to control you child better. Mind you, strong disciplining is still needed when the child gets out of line. I always believe the adage that says “spare the rod and spoil the child”
Applying the points in paragraph 2, the respect your child can understand will be relative to his or her interests and environment. Consider this as a child grows, he or her comes to respect their parents more and more (contrasting from the rebellious teenager stage). This is so as the child is becoming more and more adults, closing to the level of his or her parents. This means that they can relate to their parents’ success in life and know the value of it. For example, if the father is a great businessman and the child is but a teen, he or she cannot possibly respect his or her father’s earning power truly. Only when he or she works themselves will they truly respect the father as a great businessman. There are many aspects to a person and the child has yet to discover the “respectable” aspects of their parents when they are young as they cannot relate to it. So, a tech-savvy father will gain the respect of his tech-savvy teenage son. When the son grows older, the focus on “tech-savvy ness” will be downplayed, and the son will now respect his father for different aspects instead according to his status, job and interest. That is how it should be played, with that you will gain the respect of your child!
Respect must be earned, not given. To gain a child’s respect one must adapt to the child’s interest. I respect my parents for who they are and my respect for them increases with time when I learn and mature with time. My father just completed his doctorate degree and for that I respect him even more as I am able to relate the hardships he has endure being a student myself.
Dad, I dedicate the article to you, may you always be blessed, now and for times to come. (^-^)
